In which I get really sad, spiral, and then realize I need a reset

​Y’all I really didn’t want to write this blog. I mean…really didn’t want to write it. I’ll get to why in a minute but, here I am. 
 
I took a break last weekend thinking I’d be able to recharge. It’s a holiday weekend, I thought to myself. Don’t blog! Don’t think about writing! Don’t think about your WIP! Don’t think about marketing!
 
That worked for all of about five minutes. 
 
Part of the problem was the weather. It rained and the temperature dropped considerably. Memorial Day weekend is supposed to be the start of the summer—not a cold, 50 degrees! 
 
So, stuck inside, I began to think. And then obsess. And then I spiraled.
 
By Monday afternoon I was trapped in my own head and there was nothing I could do to suppress my anxiety and depression. By Tuesday morning I could barely move and had to call out of work sick. It was an intense struggle to get out of bed to brush my teeth. 
 
It was a lot. 
 
And now we get to the part where I explain why I didn’t want to write this blog. I hate sharing things like this. I was raised in an environment where it wasn’t okay to talk about feelings. Mental illness makes you weak, was a common mantra. Therapists were called “shrinks” instead of, you know, therapists. I’ve been battling thoughts of inadequacy my entire adult life.
 
I thought success could cure me.
 
Surely, I said to myself, my brain will correct when I get my first job…my undergrad degree …my grad degree…when I publish my first book…
 
I think you get the idea. 
 
So, after a lot of meditation and introspection, I’ve decided to reset. I’m not, like, blowing up my whole life but I am going to try and approach a few things differently and that includes marketing my book. 
 
I probably should have done market research before self-publishing, but I’m done beating myself up over what I shouldhave done. I did that enough this past week, even after climbing out of my depression hole and kicking my anxiety in the head, and I’m not going to do it anymore. 
 
So…changes are coming. That’s all I will say for now. 
 
I’m feeling better and in much more control. I’m taking it one day at a time. 
 
A Thing I Enjoyed This Week
 
Yes, despite feeling poorly, I was still able to find joy this week. 
 
I’m big on Kindle Unlimited. (Yes, I know Amazon is Evil. We can get into that another time.) I love KU mainly because it allows me to access a lot of romance books that I can’t get at the library. 
 
KU recently suggested the Vino and Vertias series for me and, pals…it’s fantastic. If you’re into romance, you’ll want to check it out. Each book is written by a different person, so I was exposed to a bunch of new authors!
 
That’s all for now. Take care of yourselves! You’re worth it!