Earlier this week I had a fairly startling experience.
I was thinking back to what I was doing around this time last year and…I couldn’t do it! I honestly couldn’t remember anything that happened in May 2020.
I stopped what I was doing, closed my eyes and willed my brain to work.
Eventually after a few breathing exercises to calm my panic, I was able to recall certain things—especially my overwhelming sense of dread that the pandemic was not going to be over anytime soon, contrary to what everyone thought as spring turned to summer here in the DMV.
It still bothers me that I don’t have a gasp on the mundane. I think—although I could be wrong about this, how would I know?!—that I used to have a better memory. I don’t remember it being that difficult to recall where I was or what I was doing in years past before the pandemic.
This NYT article about feeling scatterbrained gave me a bit of comfort, mainly because I’m not the only one experiencing this, but I wonder…will my memories come flooding back? Do I want them to? (This piece from the Atlantic is also really worth a read.)
During my writing session last week, I actually made myself cry. (Maybe I needed a cry anyway? Perhaps my brain was subconsciously mourning its scattered status?) One of my main characters, Leopold, is having to face the repercussions of his very bad actions in Book One, and he’s realizing that trauma isn’t something that can be dealt with overnight. Trauma invades your mind. It sits with you. It changes you.
Pretty sure Leopold’s dealing with his trauma because I’m having to figure out how to deal with mine.
Oddly, writing this has made me morbidly curious about what I will start to remember if my brain allows it.
Was May 23, 2020, an interesting day? Or a boring one?
Guess only time will tell…or not.
A Thing I Enjoyed This Week
I’ve been a fan of Ronald D. Moore’s storytelling for decades now. His episodes for Star Trek: TNG & DS9 are some of my favorites. I also enjoyed most of Battlestar Galactica. (Hated how that show ended, but that’s another blog post for another day.)
This week, my husband and I finished watching the first season of For All Mankind and I gotta say it’s a must watch (Apple TV).
The show tells the story of an alternate history of the space race, starting in the early 1960s. I won’t give anything away, but I really enjoyed the sometimes very subtle differences and details in the new timeline.
That’s all I have this week. Happy Sunday—and stay safe and well, Serrulata Saga pals!